Saturday, April 14, 2007
Thank-you, Sally
After I wrote my last post, on ingesting positive energy with my food and enjoying it, being grateful for what I eat, I had an interesting conversation at the cafe. I will admit I wasn't in a particularly open or joyous mood, infact I was feeling sorry for myself and somewhat miserable. A woman came in quite early, and couldn't decide what she would like to drink.
"I want something like a cafe au lait," she said, pronouncing the words with a twang. This irriated me. I tried explaining what several of the drinks had in them, but nothing appealed to her. I became annoyed with her and impatient. I labeled her as strange and somewhat slow.
"Oh, forget it. I'll just have six old fashioned donuts," she said, with a sigh, "Now that I can enjoy them."
As I put the donuts in a bag, she started to tell me that she used to feel so guilty about eating a donut. "Until I got ill," she says, "Oh, but I won't tell you, it's well, sad."
At this point something in me became interested, and I knew that I needed to hear what this woman had to say. So, I opened to her and invited more conversation. This woman, who I will call Sally, proceeded to tell me that she has a malignant tumour in her stomach, and has refused an operation. "I'm just trying to enjoy the time I have left."
"Did you always feel guilty about eating sweets, or things you considered fattening?" I asked, curious.
"Oh yeah," she says, "I could never allow myself to eat a donut. And if I did, I felt so awful and guilty. I'm 5'9" and I used to weigh around 118lbs. I would not allow myself to weigh more than 130lbs. "
I stood there, completely riveted by her words, hearing my own story within hers.
"And what was all that guilt and worrying for?" she said, laughing ironically, "So I could show off my body in the summertime, look good in a bikini? So what! Now I can finally enjoy my food, and even though there is so much pain when I eat, at least I don't feel guilty anymore."
I felt so much compassion for Sally in this moment. When she left she said, "Thank-you, you're a nice person. Thank-you."
I watched her walk across the street and into the morning with her bags of goodies. I stood in silence, knowing that I had judged her, at first, as weird and bothersome and wanted her to go away. Yet if I hadn't talked to her I would have missed the beautiful gift she had for me. What a lesson! A real life example of what ingesting guilt can create. I honour your journey, Sally, and I have learned from your suffering. Thank-you for sharing. You showed me that everyone has gifts to share, and those whom I judge are often my greatest teachers in disguise.
